Rejection is something that everybody is afraid of. However, when men get rejected a lot more drama is attached to it. It is almost as if we should have a course for men on how to deal with rejection. Think about when a lion chases the fastest gazelle and does not catch the gazelle the first time. That lion can give up and hang its head, or that lion can find another gazelle that is its speed. Just because one woman rejects you, doesn’t mean every woman will reject you. Now I am not saying every man hangs his head after being rejected, but there are men who handle rejection differently. It’s quite hilarious, in fact. Here are a few men on the “rejection reaction spectrum”. There are those that get angry and disrespectful at rejection (we despise these guys), those that take it with a grain of salt (we respect these guys) and then you have a class of men who take it personally. They take it personal because in their eyes, “how could you decline?” More often than not, the men who take it personally are the “nice guys”. The “nice guys” are easily the most bitter, diabolical mother lovers to roam the land (in my 1970’s pimp fromDave Chapelle’s “playa hatas ball” voice).
Let’s talk about the nice guy.
Recently, I was approached by a man who was very interested in dating me. He was seemingly a nice guy. He was responsible, mature and persistent, so I accepted his offer to take me to lunch. By the time we finished lunch, I had figured out why he was still single at age 34 (no ya’ll we didn’t do anything; ya’ll so nasty.. Keep up). He lacked in many areas (again, stay with me and not the gutter). He could not hold a conversation, he was controlling, he dressed terribly and the list goes on. Nonetheless, after our lunch date, I had decided that I would not see him again. I subtly began to send him signs that I wasn’t interested in him (Him: so when can I see you again? Me: idk I’m pretty busy). He dismissed all my hints. Yes, all of them: text message read receipt on with no reply, “I’ll call you right back” as soon as I answer the phone, the “I’m working that day too” line and dude still continued to call me. So I had to be straight with him and tell him “bruh, I am not interested”. Do you know after all of that this fool felt like he was obligated to know why I was not interested in him? I channeled my inner big mama like “boi if you don’t get”. Now people, I usually have no problem telling a guy why he is not my choice. It’s almost as if there’s some greater good being accomplished in the explanation. Hopefully, the man can take notes and work on himself and be a blessing for the next woman. But nah, this man had the nerve to debate me and next thing I know he is on my Facebook posting a status that reads: “Women don’t know how to act when a good man is interested”. I laughed hysterically and screenshotted it for my girls in group chat (you know you gotta share it with the group chat). I was going to be petty and reply “because your brand of good ain’t enough”; but instead I decided to post an explanation for all the nice guys who question their rejection (Yes, hunty, this is for you).
Synopsis: Why do they take rejection so personally?
Let’s look into this.
Two reasons come to mind as we are just thinking about the topic. Nice guys hear a lot of women complain about the a**holes that they are in relationships with. Ladies we really have to stop talking about our bad relationships to our guy friends; it’s only hurting us in the end. Nice guys figure that after those women get tired of dating a**holes, they would be dying to meet a “nice guy”. Which is partially true but not totally accurate. Let me explain. If a woman has dated a jerk, more than likely, she will not be looking for another jerk to replace him. The goal is to upgrade. Somewhere along the line men feel as if being nice is the only requirement to getting a good woman. Completely false. Now operative word here is “good”. A good woman knows her worth; therefore, you cannot approach her with just your niceness. That’s not going to get you a seat at the table; however, it will expedite the revision application. Just like anything else you apply to, you have to understand not all applications will be accepted. Understand that it’s levels (no Meek tho).
On a basic level, women desire a man who is sexually satisfying, has a good personality, attractive, and financially stable. Think of it like a quadrant. Finding a man who has all four is a rarity. In any case, a basic woman with little to no standards would accept a man who only occupies one category, but a good woman or a Queen would require a man to occupy at least 3 of the 4 categories before investing her time. Many nice guys are nice because, quite frankly, they have to be ( I know it sounds harsh, but hear me out). That’s all they have to offer; literally. Being a nice guy doesn’t even mean you fit the bill for the “good personality” sector, it just means you were raised right and have manners. Manners is still important, but is that enough? Are you fun to be around? Do you have a sense of humor? Can you carry a conversation? Can you teach her something new? All things that are taken into consideration when a woman is allocating her time with a man. Back to the quadrant, usually a man with a lot of money doesn’t have to be a complete gentleman, extremely attractive, or even well-endowed to attract women. Simply because there are women who only want money. Just like a man who is extremely attractive usually doesn’t have to be financially stable, a perfect gentleman, or even a sex guru because there are women who are superficial enough to accept looks as a primary factor. A man who is only nice, well, you need to occupy one other corner for you to even be considered, and even then you would be considered on your potential to fill a 3rd category. The point is you can stand in one corner of the quadrant if you want to, but you will not attract a good woman by doing so.
Nice guys bank on being nice to win women over- leaving the most important aspect out. You must fit the needs and requirements of the woman you are pursuing. So stop trying to chase a superficial woman, who’s not looking for a nice guy. Maybe the woman you are pursuing thinks that it is more important for you to be able to provide, than open her doors. Maybe she requires that her “potentials” have a nice smile. What does she want, and are you it? Being nice is only enough to get you in the friend zone and we all know what happens in the friend zone.
Nothing… That’s what.
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