I spoke to her womb twice and she responded with life. She borrowed a piece of me and replenished my offering with the sweet sounds of eloping tears. The sounds of liberation, exhaustion and a distinct chilled fear engulf the atmosphere of praise, admiration and adornment. Instantly I fell into a deep abyss of humbleness eager to take three steps forward onward into this new phase of life. Fatherhood; a noun or title that men often flee and abandon simply because there was no blueprint manufactured for them to duplicate. I asked God a few times if he entrusted me to instill value, education, morale and most importantly, the word of GOD into the future generation of my existence. My intuition always led me to believe that GOD would smile at me and gently nod his head in my direction with a lingering chuckle in the atmosphere as if to say you will be fine. While trying to interpret his sense of humor I find myself looking face to face at my two daughters. I initially had wishful thinking and selfish aspirations of fathering the next supreme male athlete. Things got REAL when I found out I was having two girls.
At this ungodly hour I am awake and afraid. I am not even sure where this content is being inspired from at 3:37 am. However, when I think about what it means to little girls to experience the presence of a father figure, a very intense feeling lingers within my spirit. This feeling can only be described as if I was a mere vessel, floating in the midst of the largest cumulus cloud multiplied by a million butterflies. Despite the glorious anxiety that feels like Christmas Eve, a bitter taste of the unknown begins to manufacture dormant fears. The problem I have with fear as it relates to my daughters is being able to channel this false sense of insecurity by setting a good foundation for them to trust, honor, and respect. A tremendous challenge that doesn’t leave much room for error. Let me make it plain for a second. As a parent we all aspire for our children to supersede everything that we have accomplished. Every father also has that golden rule of thumb sarcastically told by comedian Chris Rock: “your one job as a father is to keep your daughter off the pole.” I used to laugh hysterically at that joke, but now it doesn’t seem as funny. So grab a drink and enter the mind of an over anxious father of daughters.
Social media leads me to believe that the prophetic word of God is surreal, live and in living color as our future generations continue to become weaker. I try not to judge or label others, but often I find myself asking questions like, how do the fathers feel about your twerk videos, or half naked photos that so many young ladies willingly post? Were there daddy issues present? Was daddy even present? What went wrong, if anything? Some women have this new declaration of independence regarding their sexuality and our young ladies are aspiring to follow their lifestyles (hit like). How does a father compete with the ways of the world? Fellas doesn’t that frighten you?
Further along down the yellow brick road, I will say to my children, “you can be any and everything you dream about in this world as long as you work hard at setting goals”. In return, they will look at me with their big beautiful eyes and embrace my words as truth. I mean why wouldn’t they? To them I am a superhero, invincible to any speculation of fabrication. My words shall fill their self esteem to the point where they will have no doubt about becoming scholars. They will relentlessly pursue their career aspirations so they can have the life that I promised they would achieve if they worked towards it. As I lay here on my futon, the thought of their success sends an empty feeling through the pits of my stomach. It just occurred to me that it could be possible that one of my children may inquire about the harsh reality of me not fulfilling my dreams in life. How do I respond to a child that is asking me, her king, her super hero, if he in fact is living his dream? After filling her self esteem with the riches of inspiration that hard work can bring forth, what kind of example have I set for them to bear witness to? That feeling of emptiness and the harsh reality of my current state of mind begins to engineer more fear.
Let’s face it; daddy’s little girls will not be babies forever. My 45 pistol stays clean and oiled for the day that some unfortunate, young, poor soul, whatever his name is (gritting my teeth) attempts to charm my girls. He will even feel ballsy enough to willingly walk to my door step and introduce himself as my daughter’s boyfriend. My brother in law and I share similar feelings and have been practicing our Martin and Will, Bad Boys II charade in preparation for my niece and her future poor excuse for a little boy, I mean significant other; “You ever made love to a man? You want to? “. There are days where I surround my mind with thoughts and questions to produce answers that outline a platform my girls can cherry pick from. After all, what father would want their daughters to be with a man that dresses like a hoodlum, randomly sleeps around with different women and lacks genuine understanding of how MY DAUGHTERS should be treated? He would have some nerve to present such cockiness to my doorstep as if he could even come close to standards that I would have already set. I would never let my daughter date some mere mortal that thinks they can just take advantage of her in experience with love, knowing that they look to me as a god. Over my dead, cold body! My wife asked me how I would feel if my daughters dated a man that was just like me growing up and before I can answer with confidence, I panicked. I thought about who I was and the things I did with other men’s daughters. You see what I did there? I don’t even feel qualified to be good enough for my own daughters.
Life has a funny way of providing revelation. I use the term fear to describe a personal choice. I can choose to live in fear or I can choose to stand in the fire and face my destiny. Men fail at facing their fears which is why so many lack the tenacity it takes to endure self revelation. It’s hard to look at my daughters and not understand who I am as a person, things that I experienced and not fear for their choices. Why fear though? Why not just get better, do better and live better? However I am humbled at the responsibility that is bestowed upon me. If you were looking for the some miraculous dialog or dissertation outlined by a researched thesis on how to be the perfect father, then you clearly have missed the point of this message (I don’t have the answers Sway).
At night I tuck them in bed, after a day that consumed my pursuit of happiness. I pride myself in being a present father. I face my fears in the still of the night and awaken with a rejuvenated spirit that overthrows the glory of the sun. I am a Father. Hear me roar. LOVE is all my daughters require at this time. In the mean time just relax. To fathers that live in fear for their daughters…..let it go and let God.
By Mr. NiceGuy
Like, Follow and Share @thevsoplife Instagram, Twitter, & Facebook