Trending Topics: #Marriage

In an age when time and space are conquered by technology, we have become so digitally intimate and involved with the lives of those both near and far. The dissemination of personal information no longer requires the archaic phone-call. Word of mouth is mastered under the140 character format. No more dialing to update the family on the good news. Instead, those fingers will type your happiness and send it out for the world to see in less than a minute! How could you possibly deny it? Social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc.) has taken our private lives and made them 24/7 accessible and assessable. No longer are the days when our lives and experiences were shared one to one. Rather, we “post” our lives for all of our friends’ review, in hopes that we’ll win the unspoken, but extremely intense, “like” war. It’s actually rather ironic, when you consider how close we’ve become as a people while driving the actual intimacy out of our real lives.

Anyway. To the point! While discussing life and love, a friend and I stumbled upon the not-so new phenomenon of young marriage. Why are “everybody and their mammas” getting married and having kids, while we, more career driven and goal-oriented folk, instead chase personal growth and success? What makes marriage and children so appealing in their 20’s? I know that I barely know myself well enough to bring another person into my life for the rest my life, let alone to bring another human into the world that will depend on me while I’m still searching for me. We went on to talk (actually text, ironically) about how social media plays a part in all of it.  Are our friends following a trend? Maybe they’re being Just-Married-subconsciously triggered by images of Bey and Jay on the run with little Blue. Surely the glamour of Kim and Kris Hum– I mean Kanye’s marriage, combined with the arrival of beautiful baby North West has some influence. Yes of course that’s part of it, but the bigger picture is not so farfetched as it may seem. They may actually be following (pun intended) their biggest influences…each other!

There’s a science to it, I swear. See, our digital selves are vastly different from our real selves. With social media, one has the ability to create a façade around a coal of a life with every selective post, eventually making diamonds for others to admire.  Quite literally, DIAMONDS! (Assuming you’re in your 20’s) How do you feel when your friend posts that engagement rock selfie that says her boyfriend of 3 years “liked it so he put a ring on it”? Genuinely happy of course, but I’m sure that some self-searching is soon to ensue. Some, if not most, will wonder why they haven’t attained that level of happiness. In fact, I’ve seen the jealousy with my own eyes! It looks and sounds like “I’m so sick of seeing ______’s post about her wedding! Like, do we all need to know that you’re getting married every minute of every day? Some of us just want to live our boring unromantic lives and eat pizza.” (not an actual quote but #ijs) I imagine this person is either out there somewhere filling that gaping hole with a slice or making efforts toward finding “something real”. I personally am a sucker for children and always find myself thinking, “I would do that right now if I just had the money.” …Who the hell am I kidding?! I’m 25 and don’t have a pot to piss in!

What I’m saying is social media has downgraded and uploaded the social experience. We are no longer following tradition, but rather images… on instagram. Back in the day (don’t know when) people married young for economic reasons or out of arrangement, sometimes even for love. Today it almost seems as though we’re getting married young because everyone will “like” it. Now, I’m not knocking anyone’s happiness. Whatever’s real is beautiful, and if yours is a real love then I salute you. I just worry that it all makes a sacred ritual and “the miracle” extremely trivial. Couldn’t those wedding funds be used to build financial stability? One honeymoon vs one hundred vacations? Are we evolving or dissolving? Any thoughts?… Tweet em.

 

by: Jared Dixon
@itsjdixon
http://www.jaredixon.net

 


11 thoughts on “Trending Topics: #Marriage

  1. Couldnt agree more. Media and social networks is destroying the traditional concepts of love, marriage, and family. Television as well depending on website your tuned into too.

  2. Wow, a good read from such an incredibly handsome guy!

    Let me start by saying that as a slightly older woman (eh hem), I often question the authenticity of social media’s “fabricated closeness.” I probably have over 150 friends on FB with whom I share select pics, quotes, thoughts and funnies, but I am very careful with what I ‘share.’ This is mainly because of the internet and its ability to reach so many so quickly, and some things just don’t need to be World Wide News. So the closeness that social media induces, is it real or nah?
    But to speak to your point about marriage being a trend, encouraged and influenced by social media, I think you are dead on but I don’t think this is anything new. For centuries we have been motivated or led by our small or (for someone like you), big circle of friends/peers. When you think about it, almost everything we do from childhood through adulthood is somewhat inspired by what our peers are doing. It’s natural instinct to follow the normal flow of society, and by the time we are in our 20’s we (most of us), are looking to make an adult decision by choosing that special someone to have and to hold until… (well, the until is subjective but you get my point). And it’s usually because almost everyone around us (at that age) is doing it!

    While, social media is your connection to your world like most in your generation, for me and my generation, we connected differently. We were prone to having more verbal conversations, whether on the phone or in person; the end result was pretty much the same. We were influenced by what our friends were doing as well as what society dictated celebrities, popular personalities, and/or anyone worthy of talking about, was doing. So in turn we aspired to do the same thing at that age. It’s all the same, you guys are just doing a… Remix!

    I believe the institution of Marriage has always been as contagious as a common cold. It is usually desired as something to strive toward in youthful years. Later on you catch the bug from friends and family as you assimilate into adulthood. Although, nowadays it’s passed on through the channels that the new generation uses to pass everything on, the seriousness of the act gets overlooked often now and, as it did in the past. However, love will always endure when it’s real. It will sustain the test of time as well as the test of social media!

    1. Thoughtful reply! First thing first…who taught you or nah?!!! Lol down to business…GREAT points we do continue to remix the trends of old as the pop world around us rearranges. I do however believe that the sanctity of marriage and the seriousness of making adult decisions, as well as most “serious” matters, have been watered down throughout the years. Not to say it’s a horrible thing, because this digital intimacy can go for better or worst, but it has yet to reach a level of positive effectiveness that advances us as a people of constant adaptation. It seems as though it has taken something away. I can’t quite pint point what it is….that’s a new topic huh? Is it worthy?

  3. Very nice piece! You make valid points. I sometimes wonder the same thing. I don’t knock anyone for getting engaged and married especially if it is true. Is it really true? People are so quick to ask and say yes, not having a pot to piss in. If a person feels like they have found their true and the feeling is mutual, I’d like to believe that they aren’t going anywhere. Putting a ring on it is totally done if you are looking to work towards marriage and not get married within 6-12 months of an engagement. Getting married in your 20s seems crazy to me. It’s not for everyone but seems to be the trend. I feel your 20s is a time to reflect on yourself. If you meet a soulmate in doing so God bless. Just because you’ve been committed to some one for 3+ years, doesn’t mean that’s necessarily your soulmate. Three years is not enough time to truly know a person. That’s a car note. Yes, social media is on some ways at fault. People seems to have the “I see I gotta have it” mentality. Not everything someone else has is for you.

    Sorry for the essay. This is a good topic.

    1. I don’t want to make sweeping statements and say that true love isn’t real these days because it certainly is. My focus is on the influence social media had on those life long decisions. You bring up a valid point that all circumstances have to be considered before making that leap. Do you feel that in a lot of cases that you’ve seen personally there is too much rush and those circumstances aren’t considered because of our need for instant gratification?

  4. Anyone can get engaged and have a wedding but actually staying married/having a healthy marriage is what’s important. I think most people see the glitz and glam behind a wedding but fail to prepare for life after the wedding. But I think that’s just a problem most people have in general. We live in a society where people want instant gratification with instant results without doing the work nor preparing for the task(s) ahead.

    1. As an engaged young woman your opinion is crucial. Do you feel you are consciously or subconsciously influenced by social media to glorify married life? What separates the way you view engagement at a young age from the viewpoint of this piece?

  5. It sad to see/hear this generation portray marriage & child bearing as something uncool or from what I’ve seen in Internet memes as as a disease. As someone who had a child at 25 I can tell you that there is no level of preparation for a child whether you are financially stable or broke as a joke, single or married. A child is a blessing that will change EVERYTHING including the relationship between parents.

    As for marriage, I believe this generation has no idea what love is. Too often I scroll threw hundreds of tweets, FB posts, memes etc. about what a relationship/love should look like. Everybody looks to Beyonce & Jay as the prime example of a perfect relationship when in fact we should be looking at the ppl in our lives. Many of the older generations fell in love & got married and stayed married for many years despite being dirt poor, working endless hours, having multiple kids & providing for those kids. My parents have been married for 40 yrs, we were a military family. Before I was born my family moved all around the world, living in tiny apartments, trailer, etc. Even if you don’t have both parents you can still learn a lot from single parents.

    Just to summarize i beleive that financial stability, breaking into a stable career & achieving goals are essential but I dislike how love & relationships are treated like the Ebola virus just because we’ve become a money hungry society. Money comes & goes, careers & goals once conquered can become stale but finding someone else who’ll put up with your shit for the rest of your life or being able to watch a smaller, cuter version of you grow will far outweigh how much money you have in your bank account or what type of car you have. I hope my response makes sense, thanks for the post. Keep up the great blog #GOMAB

    1. Do you feel as though there will be any change going forward? We are all contributors in some way. What do you think it will take for us to begin to find the value again?

      1. The current generation will find value when they realize that earning 100k a year really isn’t a big deal, when they’ve reached the mountain top & look around and ask “I’m here, now what”. By that that you’ll be too old to be “talking” or “just chillin” or following the advice of an Internet meme and thats when it becomes urgent to find a mate. That urgency is when they’ll realize just how important love, marriage & family are, that’s when they’ll realize what LOVE is. Love truly is a battle ground, you & your partner are soldiers at war against life, as life throws everything at you, you need someone by your side willing to endure all that life has for you. End in end life wins the war but it’s a great feeling that you were able to put up a good fight with a great partner.

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